The Oh-My-God-It's-December-Already-I'm-So-Far-Behind Round-Up

Laws and sausage are two things they say you shouldn't see being made. Another thing? Never watch a mechanic trying to induce an intermittent fault in your car.

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And while I'm on the subject of my car repair, I hate Enterprise car rental. I don't have the time or energy to tell you how much or how many times they have screwed me over. But their customer service sucks. Dude, I don't care if you come pick me up; it's how you treat me once I'm there that counts. And by the way, three words absolutely calculated to make the steam come out of my ears: "it's our policy."

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Well, probably no one would have watched if they had called it "The Ho-Hum Mrs. Pritchard." Jane Horrocks was great, but the infuriatingly uneven script failed to deliver the satisfactions one expects from a political fairy tale. In fact, the ending was so inconclusive I actually went to pbs.org to confirm that it was the last episode. One thing really surprised me, though: that Kathryn Walker actually had her abortion. I was positive she would reconsider at the last moment, marry her boy-toy boyfriend, and let domesticity reign supreme. That's what would have happened if this had been made for American television. But those Brits are made of tougher stuff.

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This season of Heroes has been all about the waiting. Waiting for Maya to stop sniveling and whining and do something relevant. Waiting to find out how and why the Company saved Sylar. Waiting for him to regain his powers and do something relevant. Waiting for Niki to get over herself and own her power. Waiting for Nichelle Nichols to bust out some awesomeness. Waiting for Ando to have something to do. Waiting for HRG to backhand Claire across the mouth for being such a self-absorbed brat. Waiting to find out just what powers the ElderHeroes had. Waiting for the Petrelli brothers to reunite and make out some more (well, not me, but apparently that's what a lot of my fellow fans have been waiting for the most). Waiting for Mohinder to do something intelligent. And now, after this week's volume, if not season, finale, for the most part we're still waiting. Kring, you can do better than this.

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I like a behind-the-scenes show as well as anyone, but What Not to Wear is really pushing it. Was this like the third one in the past 6 months? And why do they keep reading letters from viewers asking if Stacy and Clinton are dating? Is there really anyone in America who doesn't know Clinton is gay?

Not So Much With the "Boom!"

After last week's intensely awesome episode of Heroes, I was filled with unbearable anticipation for this week's climax. Maybe it was inevitable after the build-up, but I must say I found myself distinctly . . . underwhelmed.

Here, with a big nod of gratitude to the great posters at TWoP, are my Top 10 Unanswered Questions of the Heroes Finale:

1. What the hell ever happened to the Haitian? And what about Hana Gittleman? And Claude?
2. Why, after all those hints about Candice's real appearance, did she revert to Candice-shape when Niki knocked her out?
3. After 87 episodes of Hiro searching for the damn sword, why did he just tamely hand it over to Ando before going off to kill Sylar?
4. Why, after being clearly and distinctly told that he needed to cut Sylar's head off, did Hiro just stab him? Without stopping time first?
5. What is Ma Petrelli's power? Or Charles Deveaux's?
6. Why was Mohinder suddenly under the delusion he's a medical doctor?
7. Since Peter wasn't, in fact, the only one who could stop Sylar, what was the point of their final confrontation? And why was it so lame? (Seriously.)
8. If Peter was supposed to conquer Sylar/the bomb through the power of love, why didn't he?
9. Why did Peter need Nathan to fly away?
10. What the hell did saving the cheerleader have to do with enabling Nathan and Peter to save the world? Especially since Peter was the one who was threatening it in the first place?

Oh, well. None of this is to say that this season hasn't been one of the most exciting, satisfying TV experiences ever and that I'm not already counting the days until September. Just for the record, you can put me in the camp of people who think that Hiro's dad is Kensei, aka The Lone Samurai. Join me in the fall when the shocking truth is revealed!

Pyle On

I'm not very good at telling who's "supposed" to be good-looking on TV. I mean, I watched Blossom for a whole season without knowing that they were grooming Joey Lawrence to be the new teen sensation. Ditto for Friends: I caught up with the show late and watched it for quite a while before realizing that Matt LeBlanc was "the hot one" and Matthew Perry was the guy who always lost the girl. (Note to all casting directors everywhere: smart and funny do it for me over dumb and blank every time.)

So having confessed my weakness, I still gotta ask: does anyone really find Missi Pyle attractive? I had never to my knowledge seen her before she showed up on an episode of Heroes, and I wouldn't have thought twice about her except that the forum posters at Television Without Pity were going on and on about her.

I could ignore Ando's instantaneous reaction to her, since it's been well-established that he's a horndog who pants after anyone blonde (and brunettes are OK too, although so far he seems immune to redheads). But then she showed up again on The Wedding Bells (a show I hope never to have to sit through again), where it's mentioned many times over how beautiful she is. Again, I don't get it. She looks like a horse with a bad dye job. If I had the money her character was supposed to have, I think I could have touched up my roots better than that.

For me the funniest part was when she refused to appear for her wedding because she didn't feel sexy. The photographer had her dancing around and raising her dress in a ludicrous attempt to unleash her inner hootchie mama. She walked down the aisle in a glow of satisfaction, but I? Thought she could have danced around all damn day without ever once approaching "sexy."

Somebody tell me this is all an elaborate hoax and this is not what women are supposed to aspire to looking like.

Not Just Me and Baxter-Birney Anymore

We people with unusual names don't get much validation. When everybody else in 8th grade is buying souvenir license plates with Debbie and Susie on them, we're getting another lighthouse keychain. When we're in Spanish class, either we're stuck with some name that's a vague approximation of ours or we have to pick a random one. I've been known to buy horrible Harlequin romances just because they feature a heroine with my name.

So can I just say that characters named Meredith rule? There's actually two that I know of on TV right now. The first, of course, is Meredith Grey of Grey's Anatomy. She's kind of whiny and an apple a day is obviously more food than she's ever consumed, but she's also strong, loyal, and kind. And now there's Meredith Gordon, Claire's biomom, on Heroes. Sure, she's a liar and probably nine kinds of wrong, but dude. She can light things on fire. With her fingers.

Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

Is It Hot in Here, or Is It Just All the Man-Candy?

I meant to start out with something more substantive, but first let's take a brief dip in the shallow end of the pool, OK?

I only started watching Grey's Anatomy somewhere in the middle of this season because it follows Ugly Betty. When it first came on, I wasn't interested, because I was already watching a medical drama, ER; just as I missed the first few seasons of ER because I decided to watch Chicago Hope instead. But once I started, I was quickly hooked. Was it the witty dialogue, the interesting characters, the compelling relationships? Well yes, but mostly it was the men.

McDreamy, with those bedroom eyes and the sexy stubble? McSteamy, with that finely molded chest and that bad-boy twinkle? And Burke, with that -- well, everything? (Alex doesn't do it for me, and George? I want to feed him cookies, not make hot monkey love to him.) My swan. I spend most of the hour fanning myself. Why didn't somebody tell me sooner?

Of course, the women aren't so bad either, from Addison to Bailey. In fact, it's a major irony that the star of the show, the one all the men are supposedly hot for, is easily the least attractive of the lot. (Note to Ellen Pompeo: please eat two cheeseburgers and do something about your stringy hair.)

Meanwhile, over at Heroes, sure the plot is fascinating, the superpowers are cool, yadda yadda. But man, those guys really bring the pretty. Mohinder, you can put me on your list anytime. Isaac, I like you clean; also dirty. Peter, come here and let me tuck those bangs behind your ears. Hiro? Go sit over there next to George and I'll bring you some cookies in a minute.