Pyle On

I'm not very good at telling who's "supposed" to be good-looking on TV. I mean, I watched Blossom for a whole season without knowing that they were grooming Joey Lawrence to be the new teen sensation. Ditto for Friends: I caught up with the show late and watched it for quite a while before realizing that Matt LeBlanc was "the hot one" and Matthew Perry was the guy who always lost the girl. (Note to all casting directors everywhere: smart and funny do it for me over dumb and blank every time.)

So having confessed my weakness, I still gotta ask: does anyone really find Missi Pyle attractive? I had never to my knowledge seen her before she showed up on an episode of Heroes, and I wouldn't have thought twice about her except that the forum posters at Television Without Pity were going on and on about her.

I could ignore Ando's instantaneous reaction to her, since it's been well-established that he's a horndog who pants after anyone blonde (and brunettes are OK too, although so far he seems immune to redheads). But then she showed up again on The Wedding Bells (a show I hope never to have to sit through again), where it's mentioned many times over how beautiful she is. Again, I don't get it. She looks like a horse with a bad dye job. If I had the money her character was supposed to have, I think I could have touched up my roots better than that.

For me the funniest part was when she refused to appear for her wedding because she didn't feel sexy. The photographer had her dancing around and raising her dress in a ludicrous attempt to unleash her inner hootchie mama. She walked down the aisle in a glow of satisfaction, but I? Thought she could have danced around all damn day without ever once approaching "sexy."

Somebody tell me this is all an elaborate hoax and this is not what women are supposed to aspire to looking like.